paradigm shifts

hj* and i were boo boo the fools but taking the long route meant trekking through these hipster places-and appreciating what singapore has to offer at 4pm: authentic local coziness punctuated with the tang of local dialects and coffeeshop talk in the air. pair new with old for juxtaposition, but in that moment, all i could think of was a union of modernism and tradition like and yin and yang, two entities so different but also so natural on each other’s skins. The sun fires the air around me and i can feel the telltale moisture of sweat running down my back but i have never felt more at home than right now, middle aged uncles and aunties with their teh-os and gao sui dais dotted around instagram worthy murals, carefree and alive.

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* name censored

anyway, this was on a trek at one north (timbre+) and pictures will be up on my writing instagram, which i have finally linked to after 681982 years of procrastination(!!!)

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i keep us in my wallet (not my mind)

  • these are grainy moments burned into pixels: your laugh, brilliant as i steal a glance; my face, blemished but radiant, even as my hair falls over my face; our nights, your fingers curled loosely around mine, my lips on your shoulder. these are our souls burned and made tangible, lying solidly against my crinkled bedsheets when they slip out of of my treasure trove. but why is it that i cannot remember what exactly we were? these are grainy moments, not in my mind: your laugh, muted; my face, blurred; our nights, ebbed.

 

this love is why i live

this was just like every other camp: the-night-before-anxiety hit me full on like twenty textbooks, i dragged myself and tried to cheer up, butter cup, made one friend, changed my mind about how god awful this was supposed to be, fell in love with the warmth of everyone, blinked back the tears when the goodbyes came, and made my way home.

this is just like every other camp: the people were so different from the last, but i loved them anyway. i loved the way we’d have our nightly feasts, calories be damned. i loved the ways we’d play cat and mouse, bated breaths and flushed cheeks pressed against closet doors when someone was rapping, rapping at our chamber door. i loved the way we’d banter with one another, exasperated laughter and poker faces meeting the most awful jokes ever. i loved the way we’d have each other’s back, you telling me to sleep even if i hadn’t done enough, or the way we’d give our all even if exhaustion made itself home on our eyelids.

this might just be like every other camp, when we drift apart because we’re all so busy, and live across the country from each other. maybe your faces will start to blur a little in my mind and maybe your names won’t curl as comfortably around my tongue, but this is enough. you made me happy these for days, and i don’t think i’ll forget the taste of this love on my tongue, not ever.

it made me want to live, even if just for a while. and i’m thankful enough.

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babes, this love will never end: my heart will always love you

 

tonight the covers will kiss you asleep

home / warmth / raw / uncensored / familiarity / muted / soft / sighs / wisps / curl / steady / darkness / solitude / silence / forgetting / ignorance / bliss / o  v e r /

if this is what you want:  i’ll kiss you as many times as you need