there is a dull pounding against my head, thud thud thud until it bounces off the hollow of my sky, ringing like the crow’s cry on summer’s evening. there is a judge with a gavel in his hand and with every thought of /i must give up/ he strikes a wooden mark, /this is where the world does not wait for you/, his gavel whispers, husky crackle amplifying until my head is flooded with sound waves.
there is a lava trail down my cheek.
my heart is as heavy as my schoolbag and the guilt from yet-to-be-forged test papers. these days slipping into my depression is as easy as sleeping into my problems. look on the bright side they say, so i do. my australian friend sleeps six hours on a regular basis but here in singapore i sleep four hours. (three in the morning and one in lectures because my eyes are weighed down by the weariness bore from days of juggling a test every other day. my stomach churns like the sea deranged, slosh slosh slosh and i have to press my lips together lest oceans pour out of my eyes and rivers up my parched throat.) dreaming is a foreign concept but when i do i see quiet, hear the way the sky is blue and the grass, green, and i can feel the sweetness in the air and taste the joy in my heart.
when i come to, my pillow is damp.
i plunge headfirst into schoolwork.
home / warmth / raw / uncensored / familiarity / muted / soft / sighs / wisps / curl / steady / darkness / solitude / silence / forgetting / ignorance / bliss / o v e r /
if this is what you want: i’ll kiss you as many times as you need
yesterday i loved you for the way your body grooved to the beat, lithe and steady and so goddamn alluring. your body cut the daintiest silhouettes against the bright lights and i wanted more of the way your hips pushed forward, gaze burning on me like a fire licking up my body, primal but intimate. i lusted for your attention, dreamed of being your close binary star so i could chase after your lips.
today i love you for the way your eyes crinkle when they’re tired and the way you look at everything like they mean the world. when you cradle a book in your arm my heart skips a beat because i never knew that this is what it means to love. love is embracing a book for the tune it hums and not for the name of its composer nor the suit it wears. when your fingers curl quietly around the plants you grow in your garden, the seedlings in my heart are sprouting. it’s enough watching you love, even if i’m not the object of your affection. i’m content with loving a soul as beautiful as yours.
tomorrow i will still love you. i don’t know exactly how i will do that, but i do know that my heart will always burst when i watch the way your lips quirk or the way your voice is a purr when you mumble through the haze of sleep. you are lighthouses beaming in the dark when the sea whirls up its pointed pines and i know that i will dock safely when i follow your trail. you do you, babe, and remember: the world is yours. i love you.
listen to the whirl of the wind: it’s kissing my cheek tonight
inspo: there is a mars for every venus
title: my heart is full again